Happiness for modern millennials.
1/4 basic 1/4 meta 1/4 cliche 1/4 wisdom.
Real vibes. No crystals. Limited cliches.
Rhea James Fox (Not A Coach – Don’t worry!)
Chapters released as and when – chuck your email addy on the list for next chaps!
I write this book for everyone who wants to touch the miraculous side of existence, for everyone who wants to realise their brightest dreams and actually live them. I write this book for anyone who wants to live a little fuller, taste a little stronger, laugh a little louder, feel a little deeper. I write this book for everyone who has struggled or has current struggles in their life. For everyone who at one stage or another didn’t know what to do, where to turn to, or how to help themselves. For my friends, for my family, for everyone I know and for everyone I have ever met. If I can influence one person positively, then my aim is fulfilled. But also, I write this book for my past self, for the times I needed guidance but didn’t have it. I write this book for myself now, to exercise and expand my creativity and to document what I have learnt. I write this book for myself now, to move into a brighter future of possibility.
NOTE: “Book” is released chapter by chapter on this blog – an unconventional “book”, but that’s kind of what I’m going for here.
Let’s face it, “self-help” books are MEGA embarrassing! No one wants to be caught reading them on the train or seen stuffing them into their lockers at work (lol me). Who’s that weirdo and what the fuck is wrong with them! Only “self-help” publications with “FUCK” (my absolute favourite word) in the title are designated to scratch against the sides of Coolness and might possibly make it onto the gram, but not likely Vice or Vogue. Why can’t being as happy as possible, investigating and investing in your inner self and creating a life full of wild dreams that come true be cool? Huh! To me, there is nothing Cooler than someone living life exactly how they fucking want to, not how society, culture, their peers or family have deemed “appropriate”.
Who wants to be appropriate anyway? Who wants to play life in safeness within the realms of certainty? Urgh, BORING! Boring as absolute fuck. Why be boring when you can be interesting? Even if your outer world is steady, stable and certain, you can still live it large within your own imagination. My aim is to share what I have learnt on how to make your thoughts sparkle, your mind feeling like a yoga retreat on an exotic tropical island (yep, it’s nice), your body feeling juicy as fuck flowing with sexual and creative energy (ohhh la la!), and your dreams SO real that you can hardly fall asleep at night as you’re so excited to wake up in the morning and LIVE YOUR DAY! Can I get it FUCK YASSSAAA!?
I don’t know about you (because I have no idea who “YOU” are reading this, reader) – but I’m into BOLDNESS. I’m into COURAGE. I’m into PASSION! INSPIRATION! I’m into BLISS ZEN WHOLEHEARTED LIVING. I’m into taking risks. I’m into pushing boundaries. I’m into questioning everything I “know” and asking if this is what I actually want to believe/ do/say/act/love/fuck/create.
While the “wellness” industry is now booming, it’s filled with cookie-cutter “coaches” aiming to teach us about life and how to “live your best one”. While some of it is entirely legitimate, other messaging is far more cliche than what I spin together. I’m a cynical-as-fuck-realist-with-a-passion-for-optimism and am inspired by badass life lovers – but I am not claiming to know anything, about anything! In fact, I always say “I know nothing, about anything”. In these (digital) pages are just my thoughts, philosophies, practices and tools that have helped me. So maybe they will help you too! And if not, and if it’s not your thing, that’s cool too. Because that’s what its all about, babe. Your life is yours, and you get to choose every.single.thing in it. You get to choose what you want to believe. You get to do whatever the fuck you want (minus crimes and stuff). And that is pretty fucking cool.
One of my biggest fears is to be unoriginal. To be “just like everyone else”. I can’t think of anything worse! So, I rebel, gently. After years of trying to “fit in” I’ve realised, not only do I not “fit in” anywhere, nor have I ever, I don’t want to. I just want to be my individual self, and surround myself with inspiring people, fill my life with all sorts of wonderful experiences – and really just LIVE IT UP (as much as an introvert is able anyway, which often means skipping the party or cancelling plans to hang out alone, ahh the bliss!).
My ideas are however not original – they have all be inspired from someone else’s wisdom, crafted into my own Truth, and spun my own way. So don’t take anything I say, or anything anyone says gospel. Pick and choose what you want, what resonates the most to you, and leave the rest.
There’s also a part of me that enjoys being #basic, because well, I am (NotSorry). And it’s fun. And if you can’t take the piss out of yourself, then who can you? In the words of Angela Hays from American Beauty: “Because there’s anything worse in life than being ordinary.” But don’t worry, you’re not! Luckily (for us) we are all extremely unique, and that’s our ultimate superpower. Yet, we feel inclined to be like others. Well, I certainly have! And if you haven’t – then you’re some kind of genius, extraordinary human, or an artist. Because anyone who has created anything from genuine substance in their lifetime has gone against the grain. Anarchists of ethics, activists of humanity – the people who are SPEAKING UP and DOING SOMETHING. These are the kind of people that inspire me. This is whom I desire to become.
But to get there – we often have to get rid of a fuck load of nasty junk in the way. This junk comes in the forms of negative thoughts (ew!), self-limiting beliefs (urgh – the worst!), and suppressing all the good stuff (emotions, feelings, dreams, sexual and creative energy – THE GOODS!).
So babe, you sexy as fuck badass life loving honey, are you ready to live it large? I am. So please, join me!
Read away sugar…
My story (if you wanna know, otherwise skip this part)
I grew up in the beautiful but isolated country of The Land of The Long White Cloud, which is the literal translation for Aotearoa in Maore (New Zealand in English) – how cool is that! It sounds like a place of enchantment to me, and it certainly looks like it. My childhood was pretty idyllic as far as childhoods go (thanks Mum and Dad!), and nothing much of significance has happened in my life. I live an extremely privileged life, yet I have struggled with depression and anxiety.
I remembered the first time I cried and didn’t know why I felt so much pain inside. I was 15 and sat in the frames of a house my Dad was building, by myself, at dusk. I cried and cried and was confused as to why I feel so much sadness when I had so much? What followed was a period of depression, where I now remember so many tears and no idea why, then the lack of feeling. The lack of any joy in being alive. The not being able to get out of bed in the morning because I didn’t want to live in my world. The feeling that I would always feel this way – it felt hopeless and I could not see a way out. Some may call that being a teenager ha! But mental illness runs in my biological family (I’m adopted – it’s all a happy story), and I knew life shouldn’t be this hard, this sad, or feel this doomed. I was diagnosed with depression at the age of 17 and tried alternative therapies and councilling before I decided to go on antidepressants, just in time before my final High School exams, but which I failed the overall certification due to said struggles.
It was years before I learnt how to handle my depression and depressive episodes, and for the most part now, they are of my past. I have seen many councillors, therapists and have been “working on myself” for years, bringing me to where I am now. The depression I went through in my teenage years was real, but after that, it was spurred on by alcohol addiction in the form of damaging binge drinking, along with an inability to know how to make myself happy.
Anxiety, however, has played a part for years now. There was a time where my social anxiety was so bad I could barely speak to people. It was awful. Every time I felt a little out of my social comfort zone, I would essentially feel like I was falling apart at the seams. I would break out in redness when speaking to people I knew about “normal” things. I could barely communicate to those whom I did not know intimately. Throw in the odd panic attack where it feels like the world is collapsing on you, and well, let’s just say I know what depression and anxiety feel like.
Now I have tools to move through pain, and a far greater understanding of how and why we feel pain as humans and how we suffer as we do, and what it all means. Also our intolerance to it! There’s an element here of not being open to pain and depression, as I would fight it and do whatever I could not to feel the Black Hole of Darkness that I felt inside. I had to learn this all myself on my own terms, and come through it all in ways that felt best to me. Oh, I wish I knew then what I know now!
This is the only qualification I have, to speak and write on these topics: my own personal experience with the struggle of existence. Everyone has different struggles and everyone navigates them the best that they can. For some, sadly, they are unable to beat them. For others, they choose not to.
But for you: even if you haven’t struggled with depression or anxiety, I am almost 98% sure you would have struggled with being a human. Because it’s hard sometimes! Challenges and obstacles get thrown our way – and we all try our best to navigate them and live our “best life”.
And now? Now I’m in a Far Better Place! I don’t feel blissful and zen all day every day (as I am not on Acid, alas), but I do feel Far Fucking Better. Sometimes now, I really seriously and honestly can’t wait to wake up the next morning, just because I get to live another day. What a fucking GIFT! Sometimes now, my eyes might randomly swell with tears as I really feel SO much love, excitement and possibility! This happens when I am on my own. It’s not supplied by another, although I have also gone through periods of co-dependence throughout my (entire!) life too – with my Mother when I was a child, with friends, and most definitely with romantic relationships (sorry!).
Moving through a hell of a lot of, well hell, has bought me to a pretty great place, as I found how to pull myself out of the darkness and learn how to really feel alive. Like really alive. Like I’m not going to stop until I am thriving every day alive. I stopped playing the victim (I played this role like I was to win an Oscar), I started taking 100% responsibility for my life and every single thing in it, and I started living like I am going to die because WE ARE.
This life – it is a very precious and delicate gift. To simply be alive is a fucking privilege, and many don’t even get this far. So we really do need to make it the best it can possibly be. Because we only have it THIS ONCE! This date in history, it happens just once! We only.get.to.do.it.once. Please, take a second and re-read that. Your life is a gift, you are one of the extremely privileged humans on this planet, not only now, but throughout the entirety of human existence (seriously – we are beyond words lucky to be living in this very day, in this very era). And yet, you are going to die. Oh, how I wish this was permanently branded into my eye sockets so I was constantly aware of this fact! Since we are only here for X amount of time, we have, HAVE, have to live our lives as full as we can. Because this is your one and only shot (feeling like Eminem preaching right now). Your life is a miracle. What are you going to do with it?
Struggles aside, there’s also another world out there. The really amazing part of all this is that there is a place with little (or less) struggle, a place where you really can make anything happen, where you can live your life exactly as you please. A place where all of your most wonderful desires can come true. Really!
Think of life as a spectrum of peace, extreme struggles on one end, and extreme bliss on the other, and normality in the middle. Where do you sit on this spectrum? And where do you wish to sit? Because I went from the struggle end, through the normality, and am now sitting just past the middle right on the far more peaceful (and exciting!) side. I’m not saying I’m “better” than “normal” – but I feel more inner peace now than I ever did before I discovered all of this wisdom, and certainly more than the times in which I have struggled.
I know the struggles are real, as I’ve lived them too. But now any pains to me (no matter how horrid they may sometimes be) are a huge opportunity for growth. In fact, I say now BRING CHALLENGES THE FUCK ON as I grow harder through them, now that I know how.
I still have my battles – such as sometimes still drinking too much vino (why does it have to taste so good dammit), although rarely now. And sometimes still I cry, but I welcome these emotions as I know what resists really does persist, and I know how to let them flow through me and turn them into something pretty damn amazing.
I know I am at the very beginning of these discoveries in how to be A Badass Zen As Fuck Life Loving Chiller, but also, I know time is of the essence, as we are dying every day! Each and every one of us. We have no idea how long we are going to be here for. It might only be one more day, one more week, one more month, one more year – we do not know. If you think that’s morbid, do you know what really is? Not taking this fucking precious miraculous gift of a life and living it wholeheartedly. Living it as though you really, really want to. Doing all of the things you want to do, and experience all of the wonders we have available to us. Feeling love, creating a place of peace within you, and sharing joy with the wonderful humans you are lucky enough to be surrounded by.
“They” say “don’t take life too seriously”, and I say to them “fuck you and fuck off” – because life is a serious matter, it’s about living and dying. It’s also about thriving and creating, and it most certainly entails a certain amount of suffering. For anyone who thinks it’s easy… well I don’t know what the fuck they are on, nor do I want to be on it either, as I am wholeheartedly committed to this human experience and whatever it entails. I also know now, that darkness and lightness intertwine, and how these miraculous forces work. Saying all of that, it can be a joyful fuck as fuck ride! It can be full of humour and laughter and light – I just simply refuse to pretend the more serious elements and our emotional life, and our inner world, does not exist. As my fabulous friends, your inner world is the basis of your entire reality. I’ll share with you what you know, and encourage you always to keep seeking JOY, FUN, PEACE, LOVE and HAPPINESS! Because, once you know how it all works, you’ll see it’s all very truthfully available to you through the very thoughts you think. Wowza, what magic!
Please know that wherever you are in your journey of existence, whatever struggles, pain, dreams or desires you have within you, they are valid. They are as real as the outer world you see around you. Your emotions, sweet babe, are your guardian angels and guiding force. Your dreams, they are your true calling. Your desire, they all CAN come true! I believe this with every molecule in my miraculous body, and thus, for me it is real.
So without further ado (told you this is 1/4 cliches) let’s jump right in and see what this living it up with inner peace is all about, shall we?
Sidenote: I also don’t give a fuck about being ‘cool’ (urgh have you ever met a “cool” person you have actually liked?), I give a fuck about keeping it real and sharing the love. Plus, “cool” is massively subjective – as is Everything, as you will soon find out…