Untitled, until it’s titled


I’ve been in Australia for a week – and have experienced reverse culture shock! I knew the lifestyle I was living pushed me beyond any norms which I have lived before – but it didn’t quite hit me until I came back to “normal life”, where people are doing “normal” things (going to work, living in the suburbs, grocery shopping, etc). 

I completely crashed when I arrived – I was exhausted after the last six months of huge, and transformational growth. 

Ideas and philosophies keep whirring around in my mind. I need to spit them out onto this screen before they take right over! 

I’ve tried many different “practices” this year, to induce a state of bliss and calm, and to optimise success and in the timely millennial phrase of 2017/2018 “live your best life.”

The only thing that has really stuck with me is writing. I realise more and more this year just how significantly different people are. Currently fascinated by Myers-Briggs (and the like), I am an INFP – or more generally, an introvert. By removing “normal” distractions from my life this year (9-5 work/housemates/romantic relationships for the most part) – I’ve really gotten to know myself on a much deeper level. 

I sit back and observe the world, and question why things are why they are. I’m not often the best at communicating my thoughts to others in person (unless I know them well, we are together 1:1, and stream of consciousness can flow!) – otherwise, I usually sit back and take it in. I don’t really know how to do this any other way. But with writing, my thoughts go straight from my mind to my fingertips, to this page. By writing them, I release them and set them free. By writing, the often then become far more condensed and understandable thoughts and philosophies, thus bringing them into fruition. 

Which brings me to – what I’ve learnt lately on life and human behaviour.  Here goes! 

Thoughts create things (obviously)

If you’ve ever read a Personal Development book, you’ll know that the thoughts you think, create the ENTIRE world you live in. We all live in different internal worlds, which directly affect our external words. (For my personality type according to Myers-Briggs, my internal world is just as rich as my external, meaning I often get lost in thought and daydreaming. Truth!). So since we know this as a universal law (I wholeheartedly believe this to be an absolute truth. And all truths I question, but this to me just seems radically obvious that at this stage I can’t see another way what so ever). 

Knowing this, we would be wanting to think thoughts of abundance, love, joy and peace (or whatever the kind of existence you want entails), right? Yeah! But training of the mind / the ego / finding those subconscious beliefs that run those thoughts, is no easy feat. 

Affirmations are powerful tools (positive I statements for anyone that doesn’t yet know) that are 100% worth incorporating into any mind training practice – but to really start to design your entire life through your thoughts alone, you do need to find out the limiting beliefs that hold you back, and then reprogram them into new ones. You do need to get rid of the junk that’s in the way – to then be free of the past, so you can live directly from the present, thus creating any future you desire from your thoughts alone. 

Otherwise: past stories are recreated into your future. They will play out again and again, like a record stuck on repeat until you find that nugget of gold (that blindspot you don’t yet know what it is) to release it. Your past will become your future until you let it free. 

And THIS is what I’m currently most fascinated in. So many people offer quick fixes for life – get rich, find true love, travel the world, run your own business. But if you do want anything of value in this life, an element of dedication needs to go behind it. This can sometimes be hard (although if you programme your thoughts for it to be fun and wholeheartedly believe that, then it will be fun). 


It’s now a day later, as I didn’t finish this post. I have a lot of unfinished writing, ideas and thoughts (my notes app in my phone is FULL! I write, with an intention to post, on my gram or blog, just to put them out there in the world. But then a day, or a mere few hours later even (growth has been that steep lately!), it’s an old idea, philosophy or thought. I’ve moved onto a new realisation on life. 

As someone who likes to throw in the towel (what an absurd phrase!) when things get tough – sticking things out is where I can sometimes fall flat. However, I do give myself complete permission to change my mind completely, as often as I need. And most of the things I’ve given up are because they do not serve me – they are no longer I alignment for me, or they are perhaps taking away from my life, rather than adding (joy, fun, bliss, whatever etc) to it. 

But there are things inside of me that are whispering, well more so begging, to come alive. To put my thoughts and ideas into the world. To create something. And this: this is always worth persisting. At the moment, I have a need (it’s more than a mere desire) to write about everything I have learnt this year, in the format of a short book. I KNOW! Such a fucking cliche after living in Ubud for fucks sake, but nonetheless – it has been an absolutely life-changing few months and these ideas must go somewhere! 

With this book, I don’t have a desire for anything to happen to it (not even bothered if no one reads it – seriously, well apart from perhaps my Mum) – I just NEED to create it. For me. To do something with my time and knowledge. To bring these ideas to life. 

They say (aka “successful” people) that often breakthroughs happen right after the point of giving up. This has been absolutely true for me for emotional breakthrough (sometimes you may have to wade through darkness before the light appears again). And the same with success. People often give up after experiencing failure – this is not an easy give up – it comes from complete defection. But those who persist – they are the ones that usually “make it”. 

If you don’t have clarity, it’s very difficult to bring anything into fruition – but not having clarity is normal 

I thought I wanted to run my own location independent business – so I followed that path this year, and along this journey may challenges arose. Since I’m also getting to know myself on a much deeper level, I also realised more and more about what work I’m good at, what I enjoy, and what’s not so much for me. 

I love strategy (!), but not so much implementation – well I do at first, but not if it’s a repetitive tasks for months on end. And I’m also not so much a Vision / Mission person (I get more stuck in the how to actually make it happen), but I love working with people who do have great visions. 

When I was strong in my desire (run my own location independent business), work in humanitarian aid, travel etc – whatever it was – I always made it happen. Sometimes it took years (persistence), but if I REALLY wanted it, it came to fruition. I made it happen. 

But in life: we change so incredibly much, and everything is always in a state of flux. Firstly – I’m not quite sure why people are so fixated on a decision they made X years ago if it no longer serves them (to study X, to follow X career path, to be in a relationship with X) – as it’s entirely normal to change, develop and grow – even to a point where your former self may seem like a stranger (or an illusion of your memory). 

So what we want, and the clarity we have over what we want will change. Also as we try things out, what we want will change too (perhaps it’s not actually for you, or perhaps you will love it so much more than you intended, that now new and bigger possibilities arise). 

I’ve gone through many variants of what I want over the years (normal), so my clarity comes and goes. However – in times of life where there is little or no clarity (this will, without a doubt, happen to all of us in this generation), it’s important to honour this. It’s a death of old ways of being, it means your outgrowing your old desires, into new (more nourishing, exciting, or bigger) ones. 

As a friend said to me recently: lean into the confusion. Whatever you are feeling: lean into it. 

The answers are there through the fog, but sometimes we must sit in whatever we have to process or move through before we can move onto the next irritation. 

What do you believe? 

I’ll touch on this only briefly, it’s a hefty topic. What drives behaviour and thoughts? What are the beliefs you have about yourself and the world? Whatever they are, they will be playing out for you. 

“Mindset” isn’t a term I stronger admire – as it’s not like you can just set in place a new catalogue of thoughts in your mind. Thoughts and beliefs are intangible in our minds, but thus playing out into tangible items/ experiences / people / etc around us. 

Whatever you believe – it will come true. Because to believe – you have to really and truly feel it. Which you will do about your current beliefs. You may just not know what they are if you haven’t examined them. If you take a look at your entire life – you may see certain patterns, situations or events continuing to happen over and over again. 

It’s easy to see this in regard to finances (as it’s very tangible). Your bank account and assets will be a direct reflection of your beliefs about money. 

Also with relationships – especially (!) if you are dating: you will see what kind of people you are attracting into your life and the patterns and similarities between them (for me last year – many toxic as fuck charismatic men, with a high sex drive or energy, with substance abuse problems). Side note: I had been attracting excitement and drama in the form of romantic relationships – so unattainable men really got me going! I would fantasise about having affairs even. Double side note: not ALL the guys were like this, but I was very attracted to this type. (Luckily, I’ve spent months investigating these nasty beliefs and am feeling far more free from this bullshit and ready to step into something nourishing YAAAS!).  

This plays out in every area in our lives. So to break free, we need to firstly find out what the fuck they are (and many are deep in our subconscious – they will be blind to us, so deep introspection is required). Even seeing what they are can be powerful enough to break some of the patterns. Others will be more stubborn. Once you’ve identified what they are – you can replace them with a new one of your choosing! This then needs to be repeated (like an affirmation) and when the old beliefs rear its head (as it will. also, another absurd saying!) – it’s another opportunity for further introspection and to dig a little deeper. 

This is where persistence really comes into play. Every practice or discipline in life requires just that – practice and discipline. Repetition – day after day after day. I know this seems obvious, but it’s not all that easy to do! When “life happens” and we get thrown off course, then it can be hard to stick to various things we at first intended. 

I’m currently learning more about re-writing old limiting beliefs and thought patterns – as this is literally and completely the basis for every single thing in our lives. 

And everything really comes down to how we feel about ourselves and what we feel we really deserve in this world 

If you can think it and truly believe it, it’s possible (within the laws of nature obviously). The power of thought is that strong. 

It’s easy to say I want this and I believe this – but along this path you’ll come into resistance and pain points, to work through or breakthrough. Often – they will be based on thoughts you have about yourself and what you deserve. 

Money again – a perfect tangible example. What does money mean to you? If it’s no big deal, then you may not spend much focus on it, thus not bringing it into existence for you. This is currently a phase I’m in, as I’m run by other goals and feelings – but there’s a level of financial abundance I do now need and desire, so my next step is to bring that into fruition (which I will). 

If my desire for this was incredibly strong (such as if I need X money to survive) – I’d probably spend all of my spare time searching for and applying for the highest paid jobs that I could possibly get. Or, I would have spent the last few years either studying a profession that is high paid, or working my way up in a company where I would now be on a high salary. But again – I’m not driven that way. 

But now: Do I believe I could make 1 million dollars (for example)? Many people do. So if that’s something I really desired, I could set about my life learning everything there is to know about finance and business – and spending all my time focused on that goal, working, learning and innovating. OR I could believe I could attract that money, and deserve it, and am worthy of it – so (god I hate to say that but I am going to) hang out with wealthy people and date wealthy men and start living a life of abundance by being surrounding my financial abundance. These are quite frivolous examples, and there are many other possible scenarios – and I’m not saying by having a belief and strong desire that you could make 1 million dollars that you 100% will, other factors are involved – such as intelligence level (also hate to say it!) – BUT it will impact your behaviour to a degree where it has the chance of coming into life. 

If you don’t really desire it, or think it’s possible, or that you don’t think you deserve it – then you likely won’t even take the first step towards that – thus shutting it down and blocking it completely. 

Self love is a big topic again – but quickly here I will say: everything in your life is also a direct reflection of how much you love yourself. If you really love yourself – you won’t put up with shit from anybody (example – if you’re dating, you won’t even be attracted even 1% to losers). and you will know your worth of your time and skills (so will receive a pay directly proportional to that). 

Can you love all parts of yourself? 

Note: I’m not talking about body love, as any over-identification with the body as identity of the self is another topic altogether – as your body is not who you are – it’s just the physical and material expression/vessel in which you are alive in).

Can you love your weaknesses and your not so admirable traits? Can you look yourself in the eye in the mirror and tell yourself you love yourself, and really mean it? How does this manifest and play out into your life? 

These are simply some very core basic philosophies – only a handful of which are my own – and there is obviously a lot more to it – but for now, I needed write out these pillars, before I dig deeper, investigate and ponder what ties them all together – and if a system can be created that really works to remove old beliefs, and how to create an abundant life from those powerful thoughts you have. If it was super easy – we would all be doing it already! But as per most things in life, it’s complex and multidimensional – not black and white. 

But from base understanding, comes personal responsibility, power and introspection – which is incredibly powerful. 

Until next time, 

Big love and magic



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