Self-doubt

BuffyLeavingIs this what holds us back from doing the things we really want to do? From living the life we really want to live? From expressing ourselves the way we really want to express ourselves?

We stop ourselves. We hold ourselves back. Why is it so difficult? The relationship between ourselves, our ‘inner’ truth-seeking, life loving self, and our thoughts. This week I screenshotted:

“Sometimes there is no darker place than out own thoughts; the moonless midnight of the mind” – Dean Koontz

It’s a constant battle, right? In our own minds. In our own inner world. It’s heart-achingly sad really. How captured our minds can make us.

How to cut through? Thinking doesn’t do it, nor just logic. Because that’s the thought processes that keep us trapped. Listening to our thoughts and believing them will just keep us going round and round in circles. We can feel the answers out though. They are there. But they are often buried behind a lot of pain. Of grief. Of sadness. Of hurt. Of heartbreak. Of loss. Of embarrassment. Of shame. Of guilt.

But they are there. But first, perhaps, we have to be willing to sit with these feelings. It’s almost like an ’emotional quest’, we first must feel them, to witness them, to see them, to then get to what lies underneath (which is always, pure love).

Self-doubt. It affects us all. It’s beyond normal. Why don’t we talk about it more? Lately, I’ve been darting between self-empowerment and love and immobilising self-doubt. I’m learning, month after month, year after year, how to self-soothe. I’ll push through all of my self-doubts, I have no doubt (ha), but until then, I’ll give myself space, compassion and love to feel whatever needs to be felt. No matter how frightening, painful or shameful it is.

Self-doubt is not my enemy, but my teacher.

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