It’s been awhile since I’ve written. I’ve had a lot going on with the whole moving countries and becoming self-employed stuff. And life again has gotten busy. I’m happy but as always have come up against some challenges as I invite new experiences into my life. There will always be challenges, but I now know these ‘contrasting experiences’ (in contrast to bliss/ zen/joy etc.) are 100% part of me ‘being on my right path’. A massive change for me is that I now welcome challenges as I know they are the greatest opportunity for growth, and from past experience actually propel me ‘forward’ faster than if life was always amazing/happy/zen – as then everything would essentially be going along at the same pace. Ya know? I’ve also learnt the extreme importance of feeling and accepting ALL OF the feels! Without fully – and I mean F.U.L.L.Y – embracing the ‘negative’ feels, it’s very difficult to fully embrace the positive ones too.
Few quotes I’m into that brings these points to life (cannot think of a better descriptive right now as it’s 5.30 am) / quotes that I’m into atm:
I must be a mermaid, I have no fear of depths, and a great fear of shallow living – Anais Nin
There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so – Shakespear
People say, “The joy is in the journey,” but they rarely understand what they are saying. You are in this focused time/space reality with goals and objectives that call you because as you identify a desire, it literally summons life through you. Life summoning through you is what it’s all about – it’s not the completion of anything – Abraham Hicks (this one’s a bit spiritual, but I’m into it)
So yes, 5.30am you may be like whaaaat! / that’s what I’d be like if I was reading this / that’s what I was like when I looked at my alarm and realised I only had like 4 hours sleep. But I’m proper awake and feel like writing. I’m sitting in my (dreamy four-poster bed with netting I’ve just got to add in) in my villa (had to say it) in Ubud (as you probably already know) and it’s 23 degrees and humid.
How to best summarise my life of late? I might go for a solution-focused format (bare with me right now as I decide) and summarise under the challenges I’ve faced. Gotta keep it positive yo! (The things I would do to be able to pull off yo… srsy).
So – yep zenning is a bit easier (but honestly, not significantly) when you don’t have to work and can spend your days doing whatever you please. But now, I’ve chosen to work again. Yep chosen, and not because I have a lot of money (I really don’t!) but for example, I could have stayed in Perth / gone home and been able to afford not to work for another couple of months – so yes CHOOSE. Also – I could get a Sugar Daddy. Or I could go on the dol. Or I could join a commune. Or I could be like fuck society and live out in the wilderness (I would suck at this). Or – there are probably many other ways one can actually get away with not working – so “have to” work is no longer in my vocab. But in reality, yah most of us all got to find a way of making some money to live this this world!
Re it being a bit easier. I started this ‘new way’ of thinking AKA yah my ‘spiritual journey’ yo (just going to say it anyway yolo) when I was in a 9-5 deskbound in the depts of London winter. It’s not really about external circumstances, unless you know, they are actually legit ones! (Illness, death, bankruptcy, jail etc.). It’s about an ongoing commitment/practice of finding out and trailing new ways of thinking/being that bring the most joy.
BUT the ‘time’ factor absolutely comes into play! It’s different for everyone (as LITERALLY EVERYTHING in life is) but for me, I know I need the ‘spare time’ to do whatever the fuck I want, so I’m creating a life around that.
I bought, but left it in Perth due to only travelling with a backpack and not yet owning a kindle, Dr Libby’s book ‘From exhausted to energised’ as I am like, totally a massive fan of her work and have read most of her books. One chapter was titled ‘You are busy with what you say yes to’ – and that was it. No further explanation needed apart from ‘This deserved a chapter all of its own’. Think about that one.
You are busy with what you say yes to – Dr. Libby
Peace in stillness
Habits can slide, especially newer ones, when you’re (P.S. by ‘you’ in this post I mostly mean ‘me’ but trying not to come across as the self-obsessed narcissist that I often am) busy. Cause like you’re caught up in doing things. You’ve got shit on! You’ve got shit to do! You want to smash it at work, look fit as fuck naked, keep up with yo ‘hobbies’ (cringe word I know), or try new ones, eat all the whole foods, but also save money so make them yourself, be a rad friend, meet new people/date OR keep up the lovin in your relaish, have mindblowing sex, make a difference (or be creative or whatever your ‘thing’ is), somehow also make family a priority and have fuck loads of fun and chill time. Plus some people have children, and fuck knows how they do THAT all is all I’m saying.
Mate, I’ve tried to do it all. And when it comes to ‘balance’ that is NOT the way to do it – for me anyway, and if anyone else knows how please holla.
The ‘magic’ as I like to call it, is in the stillness, in the details, in the slowness. I simply miss it if I’m busy (ain’t got no time for that vibes) but THIS is where I find my happiness/ peace/ joy/ contentment/ deep gratitude and LOVE/ZEST AF for life.
What matters the most? What’s your ‘foundation’ to feel all the things you want you to feel, e.g. happiness, bliss, contentment etc.? This is what I’ve had to ask myself as I found myself getting busy as fuck – ACTUALLY – as I chose and made my self busy as fuck (side lesson: you literally create every single thing in your life and the sooner I realised this and stopped playing the victim the sooner the happiness flowed in!).
Foundations will change over time as my priorities at the moment are not going to be the same in a year, let alone in 5 years. For now, for me they are:
- Love – this sits across ALL relationships, and right now self-love is still my number 1 priority, followed by family, friendships then romantic love (but that’s not a pretty right now even though it falls this category as I’ve just started very casually dating again)
- Spirituality – by this I mean doing all the things that make me feel good. It could be writing this right now, it could be meditating, yoga, writing in my gratitude journal, studying A Course in Miracles, listening to podcasts, reading – etc. Right now, I need and want this in my life. As THIS is what really actually makes me happy. The only other times I’ve felt this happy is when I’ve been in love – but cultivating that happiness within is the ONLY sustainable way.
- Career – to sustain this lifestyle and because I realised WORK BRINGS ME FUCK LOADS OF JOY – but only if it’s self-employed / be part of something / make a difference/ have completely (!) flexible hours/ create and do something new werk*
Then I have secondary priorities: like keeping in touch with people, meeting new people, dating, exploring, travelling, expanding knowledge etc.
And finally the extra goodies! Going to events/ workshops, watching films, eating out at new places, professional development and entrepreneurial stuff, learning more about Bali, hippy partying, looking into oner counties I want to visit etc. etc
Here’s a cool analogy someone shared with me last week. Imagine your life as an empty glass, you could easily fill it with sand (the extra goodies) but to live a balanced life, fill it with a few big rocks (the foundation), followed by medium-sized rocks (secondary priorities) and then you are still going to have LOADS of space for sand, as sand fits around things. I was like zomg loving it! So then I devised my above priorities and am basing my year, month, week and days around them.
Your actual werk
*THIS (see sbove mention) is actually a pretty big point, but yep – it can be harder if you don’t like your job. And mate HAVE I BEEN THERE! From what I’ve found thus far NO ONE ‘knows what they want to do’ it’s an elusive myth. Like a leprechaun (if you were after a simile). I listened to a 30 summary of The Minimalists podcast ‘School’ and LOVED THIS: “Experimenting with your curiosity yields far more benefits than finding your passion.” —T.K. Coleman. Also, just googled and want to add in these ones:
“You must not only follow your dreams—you must also let your dreams follow you.” —T.K. Coleman
“Continuously upgrade your dreams to reflect the person that you’re always in the process of becoming.” —T.K. Coleman
PHOAR! Fuck knows who you are but abso loving yo vibes T.K. Coleman! Loving the ‘follow your curiosity’ advice. Try a job/ career path/ hobby (srsy, IS there a better word) and if it turns out it’s not really your thang – QUIT/CHANGE/FOLLOW ANOTHER ONE. Could it be that simple? I think yes. Could I have really used this piece of advice ten years ago? I think yes.
FUN, fun, fun, fun (like that meme)
Gabby B is like my ultimate ‘guru’ (even though I actually don’t believe in gurus and think we should be our own gurus but it fits here, ya know). She preaches this affirmation and I like YASSSS SISTAAA (never called anyone sister in my life but if there was ever a good time, in this sentence on this blog post is it!).
“I measure my success my how much fun I’m having”
^ new life moto right there. Print it out and stick it on yo fridge! (That was actually meant to be a joke but also, I actually do that kind of thing). Loving it and want some more? If not, try feel into these vibes yeew!
- Assume the energy of fun and joy wherever you are at!
- Bring joy to a joyless situation, You have the power to shift the energy around you by choosing to be in joy
- Follow the fun honey. Instead of ‘what do I want/where do I want to be’ use – ‘how do I want to feel’? (FYI – this shift changed my life when I started thinking about this at the end of last year)
- Do things that raise your vibration on a daily basis
- Begin the day with the “I measure my success by how much fun I’m having” affirmation and make the conscious commitment to choose joy upon waking. Throughout the day, constantly look for joy in all sitchos.
This one for me was v hard. Mostly because in the past I’ve had fuck all boundaries and did not know how the fuck to set them. For me, I needed to set some boundaries with friendships and ASAP.
Last year with ZERO boundaries I was WAY too emotionally involved with my friends lives and to be honest while friends are one of my main priorities, they also can’t make me happy as only I can make myself happy. There was a CRAZY amount of drama, like nothing I’ve ever experienced before and also despite being so attached, I was actually a bit of a shit friend as I was letting myself be pulled in different directions every week and sometimes every day, trying to ‘be a good friend’ for everyone but I (obviously!) simply couldn’t as it’s impossible. Especially when you’re living in London, and it’s a major mish to get to people. I’d over commit myself to everyone, including my housemates who I’d see on a daily basis anyway, as I wasn’t the best at saying ‘No I don’t actually have the time/space/energy today/ this week’ or ‘Actually I’m totally not into doing that so not keen.’ OR ‘I’m more of a winging it kinda gal so not into making plans AT ALL, and I don’t want to let you down, so I can only mostly offer decide-on-the-day-plans. With the occasional set plan.’
It’s fucking hard to be honest, transparent and NOT an asshole. For example, for the most part, I’m not really into talking on the phone. I’ve got to be in the mood in the moment. Anything to do with a ‘scheduled call’ instantly makes me feel like #no. This is not just with friendships, but family too (Soz Mum!). And it’s not that I don’t want to chat – really! – It’s that I just don’t want to chat on phone call if I’m not in the mood. Sometimes, yeah sure! But when you have multiple friends from multiple countries wanting to schedule a call, and you’ve just moved to a new country / figuring out how the fuck to become self-employed / and have a whole lot of other shit going on, I just don’t want to as I don’t have the time/space/energy to do so.
What a mother fucking diva! You may be thinking. And maybe, yes I am. But also, maybe for me to live a happy life I gotta set some boundaries yo! (Feel like every time I say it, it becomes more natural. Re yo, but also re boundaries too actually yah.)
Also – just want to note here I know my friends ALSO have a fuck load going on / many have way more going on that I do / and I SO MEGA APPRECIATE AND LOVE that they want to spend their time/space/energy talking on the phone with me. It gets tricky though as maybe they are talking on the phone kinda person, and I’m really not. So while 100% fucking love them and deeply value their friendship (I cannot stress this enough!!) – I need some boundaries, or I’ll get burnt the fuck out again and become unhappy. And for what? To please everyone all the time? Because I struggle to say ‘no’. Yep, I may have fewer friends by doing this / this news doesn’t always go down to well. But for me, it’s just what I’ve got to do.
See what I mean re not being an asshole? It ain’t easy. So – in regards to friendships, I’ve needed to become a bit more transparent on what I have to offer as a friend. Go hard on the voice notes, messages, video messages, and I’ll reply when I have the time/space/energy to do so – which will actually end resulting in me being a better friend as I’ll be 100% present, supportive and down as fuck to chat! Side note: ALWAYS here for a phone call if it’s an actual crisis/ emergency obvi!!!
So yes, my bounding setting number one (no calls with friends) was an interesting experience and let’s just say that I most likely fucked up in many ways trying to deliver this message. But I did my best, and actually, it was a necessity for me. THANK YOU to everyone who understands! ❤
Balance DOES exist – despite my scepticism – thank fuck!
Okay, it’s now 6:40 (time sure does fly when you’re blogging about your neurosis), so I’ll summarise this bad boy.
- I get out of balance and alignment every day. So does everyone. So do spiritual teachers. It’s TOTALLY NORMAL and also GREAT really as then you have a chance to practice every day (Yeah! Get excited!). It’s really important to know your main triggers and do what you can to build a life around them, BUT I believe it’s actually about coming back to balance. It’s like meditation, every single person’s mind wanders, but that’s not what it’s about, it’s about REALISING ‘Oh, I’ve wandered off into thought /into a story again’, and then bringing it back to the present (through breath, sounds, sensations in your body – whatever!). So with balance, I might notice I’m feeling unbalanced so then, might reschedule something (like instead of working this afternoon I’ll work this evening) and go for a walk, or take a nap. Or, I’ll eat lunch out mindfully. Or, I’ll get out of social media apps. Or, I’ll take 10 deep breaths – whatever brings me back to balance fast.
Note: This is easier said than done and takes daily practice.
New things I’m trying:
- Routine and discipline. While I’m creating a life based on freedom (it’s my non-negotiable core desired feeling for the year), I’ve realised that actually, discipline creates freedom. Like to have freedom of the mind, you need to train the mind to be free. It doesn’t just ‘happen’ if you quit your job and go travelling. It’s a way of being. And too much freedom for me means staying up until 2am, procrastinating like a mother fucker, getting sidetracked on everything else apart from the one thing that could really use my attention right now (e.g. client work) and being reactive rather than productive. So from this week, I’m creating a weekly routine. Obvs, the foundation lies in the morning routine, but even with this down pact, I need more structure. I have a loose weekly schedule table and priorities list but am going to try calendar scheduling for a couple of weeks and see how that goes.
- Regular mindful moments throughout the day. Sure, I meditate every morning. But then as the day goes on, and my ego kicks in, and my mind starts wandering, I don’t always remember my morning intention. Plus like 10 mins (or whatever) every morning of meditation, especially if it’s on a day I’m feeling like cbf meditation rn so it’s half-assed, does not a mindful person make! So, this week I’m trailing mindfulness throughout the day. Like 1 min an hour maybe. I can only do this if I have reminders set on my phone. I reckon it’s the way to go!
If you’ve read this far, CONGRATULATIONS! And also, THANK YOU! I deeply appreciate your support – really really really! I hope you also have or can find zen within werk lyf too.
Until next time,
Nama fucking ste,