How to chill the fuck out

snoop dogg the naked song{Written last night before I went to sleep, so it was yesterdays words – am now at a cafe posting this before I finish some work}

I’ve just arrived back to my dreamy room in Ubud. It’s white tiled and minimal apart from a few key pieces of beautiful wooden furniture, 5 pillows on the bed, a brightly coloured yellow, pink, purple and green throw with a hibiscus flower design.

Tonight I had a one hour massage followed by one and a half hours of mindfulness restorative yoga in the most beautiful studio that’s surrounded by the Bali jungle, water fountains and evening birds singing outside (zen af) – this is also how I spent my evening yesterday, so I feel I’m in a pretty good space on writing about how to chill the fuck out. Sure, I’ve popped a valium or lorazepam every now and then to help me snooze (love them), but for the most part, I’m naturally feeling chilled af, sans drugs.

My journey to zen looked a little like this:

living my life in a completely reactive crazy way > had a momentary “breakdown” last November as realised I wasn’t living day-to-day life the way I deeply wanted and dreamed of > felt ready to make changes > quit my job (again) and got ready to relocate (again) > spent a lot of time reviewing and letting go on the past > catalyst for change happened on a personal development course the first weekend in January which catapulted me into the present moment > my “journey” of bliss began > I started “seeing” things for the first time > every night I went to sleep I literally could not wait to wake up the next morning and live another day > I started letting all things drop that didn’t light me the fuck up > I looked at and worked on my fears > I tottered between the “old me” and the now > I continued to dig into all things zen > got clear on what I really want at a crazy-dream level > followed the feel-good-feels > wake up (almost) every day now with wonder, peace, joy, love, bliss, contentment and a insane amount of gratitude (which a lot of the time is for just having another day to live). 

I have essentially, chilled the fuck out.  

Cultivating a miracle mindset and deep inner peace and joy doesn’t just happen overnight (for most). It’s been a daily practice for me and will continue to be for the rest of my life. Once you touch and feel pure bliss and know you 100% have the capacity to feel this way the majority of the time, it’s something you want to keep doing.

I’m not saying there’s no “bad stuff” – it’s just that I’m starting to perceive everything differently now. I’m not saying I’m enlightened (I’m not), I just know how to make myself happy. I’m not saying how you’re living your life is wrong in any way (it’s not), this space here is just for me to document my journey as writing is my creative outlet. I’m not saying I have any expertise or right to dish out advice to anyone (I don’t). I’m not saying you need to change (you don’t) but if you want to feel blissful zen then perhaps some of the things I have learnt could impact you in some positive way too. If not (that’s not fully my intention here anyway tbh) perhaps just by reading know that you’re actually supporting me in a positive way (thank you).

Since this, I’ve given up alcohol, drugs (apart from said benzos above), coffee, drama and unhealthy relationships. I also rarely eat gluten, dairy or sugar now – or engage in negative bitching and complaining (that all of which I was all addicted too!). My “unhealthy” (cause they weren’t making me feel my best) behaviours are habits are on the way o.u.t (my life is a mess is so 2017 me) and now I’m consciously choosing how I experience life, whenever possible (which is never going to be, nor would I want it to be, all the time). When I started focusing on my dream life, all of these habits slid away pretty effortlessly really.

So, how to chill the fuck out? Below is roughly the overall path I took (condensed af but summarised). 

{Yes this post is a long one, I haven’t felt like writing for longer than usual so have some serious “pent-up” blogging to do! Breaking all the length of blog post rules but I don’t give a fuck yolo}

  • Get real 

Is this (insert whatever – situation/life etc) what you really deeply want and desire? If so – amaze, sounds like you’re totally aligned! If not, get curious as to why. Why you want it, and what’s stopping you? Why do you really want the “dream job”, “dream relationship” or “insert whatever”? Is it to feel a certain way perhaps? Is your current limiting beliefs and values stopping you from living this way? Do you succumb to societal pressures on what’s a “normal” way to live and experience life? (I did! And am still working on this). What are you fearful of? Why are you fearful of those things?

These are all questions I’ve asked myself and explored and will continue doing so.

  • You already have all of the answers to everything, right now

Only you know what best for you. No one else has any fucking idea (obvs). I have no idea (whoever is reading this) what’s best for you. Nor should I.

Sometimes it can feel hard “to know” as in modern western life we are often so disconnected from our inner selves and bodies (among other things). To get the answers you need to “go inwards”. There are so many ways to do this, from journaling, meditation, talking to others, yoga, any kind of spiritual practices, creativity etc. You will also know the best way for you to “figure out” everything you could ever want to figure out – as only you know what “works” for you.

  • Your mind is fucked 

Humans are actually totally fucked up, for the most part, myself definitely included! If you go through life believing that “voice inside your head” is you, you’re most likely experiencing an egocentric and suffering (in one way or another) way of living. It’s difficult (I found!) to consciously create life experiences when I wasn’t, in fact, conscious (like, duh!).

To me, consciousness can be achieved by listening to your thoughts (you don’t need to stop or change them, just listen with objectiveness whenever possible), witnessing all of the “darkness” (you know what I’m talking about), and just being with yourself in a curious way – this is (what I think) meditation is.

  • Acceptance, gratitude, and presence 

For me, these are a one-way ticket to blissful happiness! To me, acceptance is letting go, surrendering and accepting absolutely everything that currently is. Gratitude is a way to feel good whenever I want and is a way to look at life through a miracle mindset. I practice gratitude every morning and evening, and throughout the day too. Presence is everything – and where I have experienced life changing bliss. Thoughts are always coming and going in the human mind and this is completely normal and okay and won’t ever stop, presence to me is awareness. It’s the awareness that sits behind everything else. It’s the awareness that connects every one of us. It’s the awareness that is here now, not in the past and not in the future.

  • You are not your mind, body, job, relationship, location, society (etc)

So, who are you then? What builds your identity? If you’re always looking outwards for your sense of self (I was in way one or another fo show!) then you’ll be flung around the waves of others energy, expectations, “perceptions” (actually your own perceptions FYI), or simply never likely really feeling deep inner peace, as the outside world is always fluctuating as fuck.

It also comes with a whole lot of nasty shit, like believing your worth is based on: what you look like, how much money you make, what you achieve, what you own, what your relationships are like – etc. The majority of this is all based on lack, on what you don’t have. By switching your perception to what you do have, peace and happiness will find it’s way to you asap. 

This is not our fault however at all, as our society places extreme expectations and pressures on us (see humans are fucked comment), from the second we were born we were absorbing and learning from the world around us. What I’ve found, through various practices, is the “me” behind all of this external-ness. I fully believe and know I’m not my body, mind or anything I “have”. I’m learning to dis-identify from my lack based beliefs, along with my ego.

  • You choose (almost) everything in your life 

This is a tricky one to explain without sounding like an asshole. Some people are born in extreme poverty, have horrific things happen to them, or battle with mental health based on chemical imbalances – plus many other incredibly sad experiences that I don’t really know anything about. So in this sense, please know I’m not talking about that, as I have no idea how to. Instead, I have in mind the “standard” privileged western person, based on all the majority of people that I know.

Have you noticed, however, while on holiday perhaps, that people from other cultures that have so much less than us, seem really happy? That people who have truly horrific things happen to them, forgive the people who did unspeakable things? (People have forgiven people that have murdered their children for example). That people who deeply suffer (way more than the standard human I mean), can still see and find the light?

You can’t always choose what happens to you in life. But you can, for the most part, choose how you perceive it. You will already know this, but do you do it? And you can choose to change your thinking (which creates your whole world and experience of life) at this very moment, and every moment.

  • Follow the feel-good-feels 

This is what I’m doing, every mother fucking day. Contrast will always exist, but I now reach for the feel-good thoughts and find the feel-good-feels, whenever possible. Your feelings are the “signs” to lead you to happiness – if something doesn’t feel good, it’s probably not right for you. If you’re stuck in situations you don’t want to be in, you can still feel bliss right now (with acceptance, gratitude, and presence).

  • High-vibe loving bbz!

High-vibing is my intended state of being.

Sometimes we need a boost. There’s lots of ways to do this (as mentioned you’ll know the best way for you). I’m trying appreciation rants – which is like complaining and venting, but on everything, you love about life. Note: If you do this in public you will probably sound totally cooked and fucking crazy! I’m trying in internally through thoughts and journalling. I’m drawn to and seeking anything uplifting, for example, no reading a lot of news or watching docos on murder for me atm. We often do this when we feel down, but it’s only recently that I’ve started to really magnify feeling good when I’m in a great space (and not on drugs this time).

  • Practice doesn’t make perfect, it just makes you more practiced 

A yoga teacher said that in a Yin yoga (my fave!) class in Perth and it’s stuck with me ever since. Obviously, there’s no such as thing as perfect – it’s just another perception (even perceptions are perceptions), and practice doesn’t have to be all the time – that would be as exhausting as a 24-hour orgy (I can only imagine). Even 10 minutes a day, of any sort of zen practice, can greatly improve your experience of life and happiness levels (even science proves this if you still think I’m batshit crazy).

I’m practicing (most) days, but that does not mean I’ve achieved them all yet, as there’s no “achieving” here. There’s just listening, being and feeling – that’s it!

  • I chose Bali baby 

And of course, one-hour massages and zen yoga classes in paradise while I’m not working full time, have pretty much 0 commitments, and spend most of my time in blissful solitude (for now) help 😉

And FYI – I choose all of this over living in a city, office-based 9-5, creating social commitments all the time, spending money on new things, getting fucked up every weekend etc – with some financial help from the tax-return-gods, rent-free-family-love, and generous friends. However, just know, many (!) people live this lifestyle without a financial boost, so it’s 100% possible! (If you’re into this shit too).

With loads of love and kisses! Peace out etc,

R

xx

P.S.

I loved these words this week: 

On following what feels good to you (your heart/intuition – whateves!) – “At the very least you will live an authentic life. At the very most you will touch the exquisite edges of existence.” – Vienda Maria

On living your dreams: “If you want to make your dreams a reality, you have to change your thinking – regularly.” – Daniel, Flynn

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