Today I feel like writing about keeping it real. As I often say ‘I know nothing about anything’, as let’s face it – I’m no expert on any topic/career/skill etc. I’m just here fumbling through life with the intention of making it the happiest and most fulfilling experience possible – and doing what I can to impact others in any positive way.
So – keeping it real? What does that mean? For me, it means being honest, authentic and vulnerable. It’s not about always trying to be positive or optimistic when I feel negative feelings, it’s about feeling and expressing the whole range of human emotion (the highs, and the lows) and sharing them with others. For example, have you ever felt insecure and embarrassed? I have, so I totally get what that feels like. (Or insert any other negative feeling).
Lately, I have been happy as fuck – in a blissfully content little zen bubble. However, that does not mean that in the last few weeks I haven’t at one time or another cried, or felt upset, hurt, lonely, frustrated, annoyed, fearful, inferior, confused, jealous, tired, exhausted, irritated, rejected, insecure, anxious or embarrassed.
The dominant feelings, however, are bliss, joy, happiness, and feeling appreciated, worthwhile, successful, hopeful, creative, sensuous, playful, optimistic, fascinated, loving, trusting, serene, secure, daring, and so thankful and so inspired!
What I’ve been doing is fully embracing and feeling the negative feels, then choosing to focus on the feel-good ones. I’m accepting and grateful for when the negative feels come and choose to see them as contrasting life experiences – which are actually showing me what it is that I do desire. In all of these negative feels, I see a huge and wonderful opportunity for growth.
Three topics, in particular, I’ve been thinking and talking about lately are honesty, authenticity, and vulnerability.
Yesterday I was in a weird mood, I was in a ‘can’t really be fucked doing anything but feel like I should do something’ kind of mood. I watched two half episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, half listened to two meditations and had half a nap. I was feeling tired, exhausted, frustrated and anti-social. I did, however, choose to focus on the good things that happened, such as lovely chats with family, a Skype call with a woman I find inspirational for a potential virtual internship, having the blissful opportunity to do whatever I felt like on that day, and two orgasms.
It can be scaring sharing my feelings online (even if no one reads them!) – and to be totally honest that one of the highlights of my day was two orgasms (what can I say, I’m ovulating) – but I feel like this is where feelings of aliveness and the beauty of humanity lies. In authentic vulnerable honestly.
Have you ever met someone that you’ve felt drawn to? That’s you’ve just ‘clicked’ with instantly. Did that person embrace honesty, authenticity and vulnerability? For me, the answer is usually yes.
People are drawn to authentic vulnerable honesty (well I certainly am). It’s totally normal to feel all of the feels and people understand them, as they have felt them too. Struggles and challenges are normal. Insecurity – normal. Fear – normal as fuck. Feeling horny like you wouldn’t fucking believe when you’re ovulating – yep, normal (well, for me anyway).
Let’s take a step back for a moment, shall we? There are 7.6 billion people on this planet (firstly, what the fuck!), 800 million use Instagram, and on WordPress 409 million people view more than 20.8 billion pages each month. I dunno about you but that mind fucked me a bit. So, the chances of someone reading this are small, and the chances of anyone actually caring how many orgasms I had yesterday is practically zero. However, I gain a lot by being my true authentic honest self, and everything positive I can do to strengthen this practice, I am going to do it.
What also is crazy (and somewhat hilarious) is that practically everybody walks around with fear of everyone else and what others think. Think about this. Our ego works in two ways to either ‘look good’, or ‘avoid looking bad’. We are all just fearful of each other, when in fact there’s nothing really to be fearful of (apart from actual fears such as violence and murder etc obvs, but I’m talking everyday life here).
The human mind is both fascinating – and fucked. For example, in the twentieth century, alone humans killed over 100 million over humans. As Eckart toll says ‘most humans are still in the grip of the egotic mode of consciousness: identified with their mind and run by their mind’ (myself included a lot of the time might I add – although every day I am practicing dis-identifying with my ego).
So anyway – what I’m trying to get to here is that often the fears we have that hold us back from living our ‘dream life’ are fears that don’t even fucking matter/ no one really cares as everyone is so over-identified with their own egotic minds anyway – but these fears can feel really real, and they can block you from being deeply happy. However, on the other side of them is quite often pure blissful happy love living vibes! And one way to get past the fears? With honesty, authenticity, and vulnerability.
Things to ponder/ random points of things I’ve learned lately:
- Get out of your own mind for a minute. Stepping back and looking at the bigger picture helps. Your fears are suck in your ego-based mind. Does it really matter what X says or thinks about you if it’s going to make you feel really truly and deeply happy? What’s more important to you – caring what someone thinks, or feeling blissfully content?
- No one tells it how it is. So, keep it real. Say how you honestly feel. You feel like shit because you’re hormonal af and you have your period, someone took ‘your’ seat on the tube, you haven’t been laid in 6 weeks, and your ex just posted a photo of him with his new girlfriend, and you actually feel really upset? Feel it. Embrace it. Share it. Share your authentic self to foster new and deeper relationships.
- One of my favorite affirmations is ‘people are always doing the best they can with the understanding, awareness, and knowledge they have at the time’ – I love this and helps me to connect with others in an honest and vulnerable way.
- I’ve always loved everything Brene Brown has to say about vulnerability. Such as, “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage”, and “Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” Her TED talk ‘The power of vulnerability’ is totes worth a listen. And with over 33 million views – it looks like people are craving authentic vulnerability!
At the moment I’m leaning into all thoughts, experiences, people and things that make me feel good! It is my dominant intent to look for and find anything that makes me feel good – every.day. This often includes really feeling what it really is to be human (feeling all of the feelings) and being honest, authentic and vulnerable – and aiming to be fearlessly courageous.
So by making a conscious choice daily to choose love over fear, I am strengthening the connection with myself and bringing on all the juicy delicious life loving good vibes – every mother fucking day. For me, this means fully witnessing and feeling the fears (which is the first step in releasing them) and choosing to see love instead – which shifts my perception on whatever it is I am currently thinking/feeling.
I’m also aiming to share the love! Not only does it feel fucking good, but we are all here fumbling through life together and all just trying to be our happiest and most fulfilled selves, right? So today I’m signing off with a little love.
A lovely feel-good way to cultivate love is to think about people in your life, what you love about them, and send good vibes their way.
I just went through my rheas_snaps insta following list – and for everyone I know – I’ve taken a moment to think it is what I love about you and/or at least one happy experience we’ve had together. Yep, for every single one of you babes. Then, I took a moment to send you love, light, and happiness. Can you feel it? Try.
For extra lovin’, it’s so good to tell those people if your life how rad you think they are. NEVER underestimate how by sharing those feelings the impact you might have on their day, week, month, year – or life. So, everyone I speak to today, I’m going to share some love with them.
Or, reach out to someone and share with someone something authentic – and something that makes you feel vulnerable. Being wholehearted and experiencing deep joy, also means experiencing all of the other emotions too. And as I said, never underestimate authenticity, honesty, and vulnerability, especially in fostering and deepen connections with people in your life. This to me is the beauty of humanity.
With love and light, or in other yoga-y words namaste (the divine light in me honors the divine light in you) babes.
Keep it real,