So today I threw out my vibrator RIP

sex

Well, actually it was yesterday, but that doesn’t sound as catchy for a heading.

What I realised I’ve been doing lately, is getting rid of mediocre/average/okay/normal life experiences and switching them out so that they light me the fuck up and make me feel fucking incredible. It’s not that I wasn’t happy before I started doing this, it’s just that I want to feel the ‘omg I’m so excited to be alive’ kind of feels, every day – which for the last few weeks I have been! A friend referred to this way of living as ‘higher quality’ which I’m so very grateful that I have the opportunity to experience life in this way.

I’m reviewing different life areas at the moment (career, relationships, health, money etc) and seeing how I could make them even more amazing than they currently are.  And today, I’m going to write about the one thing that’s quite often on my mind – S.E.X.

My favourite hobby, topic to talk about and thing to do is: sex. I fucking love it. Why? Because what feels better than sex? What’s more exciting and invigorating to do, to read and to talk about than sex? What mentally (and physically) opens you up, connects you to and fosters deep intimacy with yourself and others, than sex?

(Cue Carrie Bradshaw vibes) Lately, I’ve been thinking about my relationship with sex, my past sexual experiences, and what new sexual experiences I want to manifest into my life. I’ve also been thinking about how our culture views, talks about and portrays sex.

For me, sex is empowering as fuck. It doesn’t matter if it’s making love in a long-term relationship, or a hot and passionate one night stand – it most often makes me feel so empowered. And it (obvs) feels good af. Of course, I’ve had some average experiences too, but those contrasting experiences just show me the direction that I do want to go in.

I’ve always been a very sexual person and tapped into my sexual energy and power. And I’m not afraid to say/write/talk about it! I often feel very drawn and connected to people who also love talking about, experimenting with and enjoying sex.

I feel like there’s still such a stigma around sex, which is totally ridiculous, I mean everyone does it. I’m 27 and feel society’s views on sex have progressed a lot so far in my lifetime, so just take a moment to think about how it might progress throughout the next generations lifetime. I feel like it’s time we all start talking about sex more than we already do, and more honestly.

I’d quite happily and easily talk about sex as I would another topic, such as hanging out the washing. In fact, I’d like to talk about sex every day – it never bores me.

I have a few powerful female sexual heroine’s that I’m inspired by, who to me embody positive female sexuality and sensuality- so I have been absorbing their knowledge for years. These women are very sex-positive and I absolutely love and am a huge fan of:

  • Karley Scorpio and her blog Slutever. I love how rawly honest and open she is to share her sexual experiences with the world, and her non-judgemental and acceptance for all sexual experiences and lifestyles. Check out her VICE docos and Vogue column.
  • Sex and relationship coach, sexologist, tantra practitioner and all around sexual goddess Juliet Allen. I’ve been greatly inspired by Juliet and have recommended her podcast ‘authentic sex’ to everyone! The more people that listen to her podcasts, the more that will be having deep intimacy and mind blowing sex. She’s straight up, very sexually experienced, empowering and nothing holds her back.
  • Kim Anami – she can have 20 orgasms in a row! #goals af. She’s a holistic sex and relationship coach, and vaginal weightlifter (interesting stuff). I intend to take her courses ‘Vagina Kung Fu’ and ‘The Well F**cked Woman’ at some stage.
  • Samantha Jones – say no more. This fictional character fully embraced herself and her sexuality, and experienced mind-blowing sex.
  • Belle De Jour (Brooke Magnanti) was a scientist, blogger, and writer who supplemented her income while she was completing her doctoral studies by working as a call girl in London. She penned the blog Belle de Jour: Diary of a London Call Girl, which then became a book and TV series, both of which I loved.

So, back to the throwing out the vibrator. Both Juliet Allen and Kim Anami refer to and teach ‘takeaway/junk food sex’ vs. ‘gourmet/ecstatic sex’, the latter of which I am obviously striving for.

Currently, I’m (blissfully!) not in a relationship – so this starts with sex with myself. Not only does my vibrator carry old energy/memories and I’m ready to start afresh, but I believe I can achieve higher quality orgasms without it.

A friend introduced me to omgyes.com – a company dedicated to making an honest, practical resource about woman’s pleasure. Here they share ‘new ways to increase pleasure based on new research, videos, and simulations’. They also refer to ‘making a good thing even better’. The videos are explicit and show different womens self pleasure techniques. They are honest and real as fuck, which is what I’m all about.

I’m also super interested in utilising sexual energy to manifest a new way of experiencing life, and I think this is better-achieved sans vibrator. Juliet Allen has some insightful podcasts on this, such as ‘Tantra 101’, ‘Increase Your Orgasmic Potential and Learn How to Hold Pleasure in Your Body’, and ‘Sex Magic & The Power of the Moon’.

I’m also fascinated by how women and men experience sex differently, and what this means in relationships and dating. I was messaging both a guy and a girl friend about sex this morning, and their language and perceptions were both very different. My guy friend said that he ‘legit thinks about it all the time’ and described it as primal. Whereas my girl friend said the thing she loves most about sex is the intimacy. This could be summarised by saying ‘men are creatures of nature, and woman creatures of meaning’.

This is, of course, a huge generalisation, but there’s no denying that men and women can perceive and experience sex differently. I believe this can also be through both feminine and masculine energies (rather than just the sex of the person), which all of us carry and tap into at different times and situations.

For men, sex is often physical and for women, relational. Women often crave love, understanding and being emotionally needed through sex (even through casual sex or one night stands), whereas men need respect, admiration and to be physically needed. Different perceptions, expectations, and needs can obviously cause many problems in relationships and dating, and why completely authentic and rawly honest (and sometimes blunt) communication is key.

For example, if I have a one night stand or casual sex with someone and do not want to be in a longer term or ‘serious’ relationship with them, I still want to feel love and intimacy. I don’t mean feelings of ‘being in love’, I mean being shown and given love. For me, that’s when I go away thinking ‘fuck that was incredible sex’, compared to sleeping with someone who was fully present and loving with me before, during and after sex. I’ve had some incredible one night stands where the guy was intimate and loving towards me, and I feel very empowered by these experiences. Intimate and loving doesn’t have to be slow and emotionally intense sex, as rough or dirty sex can be intimate and loving. It’s all about the energy you bring, how you view the person you’re sleeping with, and being fully present with them.

Raw communication is something I’m definitely going to be prioritising this year and going forward, from casual fleeting experiences to longer and deeper connections. I intend to be more authentic in my communication with lovers than I ever have before.

Anyway, this new way of experiencing sex and sexuality (striving for the highest quality) is just something else I’m pondering, investigating, researching and experimenting with at the moment.

And didn’t someone once say an orgasm a day keeps the doctor away? If not, someone should have.

Rhea

x

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