When you feel like shit​

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So I woke up this morning feeling extremely physically drained, and also agitated and unsettled.

Straight away, I checked my insta as I wanted to know who looked at my last story and then I scrolled through my feed.

I tried to meditate but wasn’t really feeling it, so I got up and literally could not stop thinking about coffee! I had one after breakfast, took a call re a pro-bono project I’m doing, then did a couple of hours ‘work’.

Throughout the day I felt this urge to ‘do something’, as I was feeling ‘weird’. You know that kind of off feeling, like just not quite right. So, I got out of the house and went into the city, with no real intention of doing anything in particular. I checked out the creative centre , wandered a few streets, then grabbed some food. I then caught the train and a bus to the beach sat there for a few minutes but my phone died and the breeze was cool, so I left then went to a yin yoga class.

The whole day I still had that ‘weird’ feeling! But nothing in particularly eventful or emotional happened . I wasn’t really feeling content, present or grateful in the moment. I was also doubting myself, especially in regards to my ambitions (becoming location independent, starting up a business) and feeling preoccupied and anxious about what ‘others thought’. I even ‘imagined’ what others thought of me in particular scenarios thought the day (whilst messaging a couple of friends, speaking to new people, interacting with people at yoga).

Anyway now as I write this before bed, I feel AMAZING (happy as fuck, content, self-loving, girl boss sassy,  inspired, sexy and free) and like I had one of the most transformational days – ever!

Why/how? Because I choose to see it that way, so it is.

Lately, I’ve been reading, studying, learning, emerging, yogaing, meditating, journaling, writing, brainstorming and creating – and really feel like something transformational has happened, like I found the ‘secret’ to my deep happiness, or something. All of this – while not only being very enjoyable, fascinating and making me feel fucking great, has had such a profound effect that it’s starting to really ‘rub off’ on my emotions, thoughts and perceptions of how I now see the world and experience my life – to the point where sometimes I feel so blissfully happy that I can’t even explain it.

So, what I’ve chosen to learn and apply from today is:

  • Social Media, insta, in particular, can make me feel like shit. I compare myself to others and check (and sometimes care) who watched my insta stories. Like really!? That’s not how I want to be living/ not what matters! So apps are deleted and I’m doing a social media detox, and allowing only one hour max across the week.
  • I’m full blown addicted to coffee. I fucking love it. I’ve been trying to cut down but haven’t really yet, and yesterday I spent ages smelling my coffee lol omg who does that?! Crazy. But (sadly!) it gives me the jitters, anxiety and actually contributes to tiredness and exhaustion. So, I’m giving up coffee. For me, this is harder than giving up alcohol/sugar/social media etc. It’s my crack. I’m going to ease out by cutting right down, then fully switching to decaf. I’m also doing this because overcoming addictions feels empowering af.
  • I care so much what people think! So, I’ve chosen to not give a fuck. Fucks are definitely disappearing from my life at the moment, but this one has been a persistent little fucker. I’m going to wear the crazy shit I want to wear, put my thoughts out on the internet by blogging about them, and practice ‘non-attachment’ to these negative thoughts. ‘What people think’ is one of my big fears – but I’m going to commit to my practice of letting this fear go, and watch the fucks float away.
  • I CAN be and do whatever the fuck I want to be and do. I can work for myself, I can start up my own business, I can be location independent. I’ve been listing to The 4 Hour Work Week by Tim Ferriss on Audible (it’s amaze), and today this line stuck with me – “It’s as easy as believing it can be done”. True. He was also talking the importance of doing something that scares you every day. Even the most successful people will tell you that fear never goes away, but the leaps just get bigger (bringing in bigger pay offs). Ferris says, “What we fear doing the most is usually what we need to do”. So, I’m choosing to bring.it.on.
  • Yoga and meditation give me life force feeling of fucking bliss. I’m committed to bringing these practices into my daily life. (All of this goodness came to be at the end of my yin class).
  • My morning routine is currently vital for a blissfully happy day. So I’m starting the day with deep gratitude, meditation, presence and reading from tomorrow.
  • I love writing this blog and journalling! It’s so therapeutic and pretty much always give me the feel-good life loving vibes.

And, also, many more lessons and learnings – but I could end up writing a whole essay on it.

So, summary! By forgiving myself and practising non-attachment to my self-doubts, self-imposed fears and negative thoughts, and choosing to focus on opportunities for growth and love, I feel incredibly happy and blissed out.

If people do think I’m weird, good! I honestly can’t think of anything worse than having the feeling of not living my dream life as I’m too scared of what people might think so I just go with the norm and socially reinforced illusions. Plus, I like weird and different (/interesting!). It would be a waste of a life to be boring and do things to fit in if it doesn’t light you up. If I don’t end up becoming location independent, that’s okay! (But I will if it ends up being what I really want, as I can). As Ferris said as I was listening today, “Inaction is the greatest risk at all”. If friends judge me for even having this blog, whateves! Firstly, I don’t really know what anyone is thinking (i.e. are they judging me or am I being insecure), and secondly, I’m only bringing in positive vibes and relationships into my life from now on. And I can always get insta and coffee back if I want, so I’m not actually ‘missing out’ on anything.

And that is what the law of attraction is all about. Bringing in the feel-good vibes at every opportunity and believing and feeling good stuff (/everything you want) is on it’s way to you, and then releasing it and enjoying yourself and living fully in the day, hour, minute, second, moment. And then good things will come. It’s literally that simple. And people have made millions, became best selling novelists, famous in their fields, and created global businesses from scratch (etc!), by applying this principle to their lives, just saying.




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