I’m an adult, fuck!

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I caught up with a lovely friend today who said something along the lines of, “I haven’t had to deal with this in an adult relationship before.” – semantic details not important, what is, is that she referred to herself as an adult, which shocked me as I don’t think of myself as an adult at all!

What I think an adult is: has a steady career path, financially secure, has a driving licence and owns a car, wants to or is in the process of buying a house, is in a serious relationship, marriage and children are on the horizon – eep! I don’t have ANY of those things and nor do I want them right now (apart from financially secure part ;)), so I haven’t thought of myself as ‘an adult’.

adult (noun) 

  1. a person who is fully grown and developed 

After reading that I was like, I don’t know if I am fully developed?! How do you know when you become an adult? Is it age, experience, financial, career driven? I asked a friend his thoughts and he said he thinks an adult is, ‘someone who’s conscious and makes decisions for themselves, and not going with the flow – self-destructive hedonism.

I started thinking about my ‘adult’ life and values, and realised that not only is the word (and it’s just a word) ‘adult’ up for interpretation, but that I’ve placed a whole lot of pressures around the term – all of the things I mentioned above that I don’t actually value/want. There’s nothing wrong at all with any of the above, but I know it’s not the lifestyle for me and won’t bring me deep joy and happiness, at this stage of my life anyway.

Reflecting on my life, I realised I had quite often felt unbalanced and out of alignment when I was doing the things I thought people were ‘meant’ to do as a ‘normal’ way of living and experiencing life. Such as – getting a bachelor’s degree, staying in a job/s for X amount of years, aiming to fall in love and be with that one person ‘forever’, work in an office 9-5. I felt my life summary after high school should be to: study, travel, career, 9-5 office based work, choose one city to live in, fall in love, get married, buy a house, have children, raise children, continue to work, have only 4 weeks ‘off’ a year, retire, travel.

That lifestyle is not for me, and I’ve noticed this by having always felt drawn to freedom, flexibility, travelling, living in different cities, moving cities, changing jobs often, meeting new people, having new experiences, creativity.

After listening to a podcast today on decluttering by the minimalists, I realised that actually it’s perfectly fine to want to live in this way, and in fact, many others are choosing to do so too. They were speaking about what to do when your ‘new’ (aka authentic) values do not align with the current people in your life. It made me realise that a lot of people I know do live their lives in the way I mentioned above, and perhaps I just don’t yet know many other people that don’t, which is why it doesn’t feel ‘normal’ to me.

I’ve always been drawn to and inspired by people who:

  • travel!
  • are grateful and happy
  • are creative
  • believe in the pure miracle and magic of being alive
  • live their lives in a different way and are not location dependent
  • free spirits, seekers, wanderers and creators
  • are self-employed and/or entrepreneurs

Without even realising it, and through struggle as I often felt I wasn’t doing the ‘right’ thing, I have:

  • quit multiple jobs after only staying in them for a few months. I believed my society/culture told me to stay in a job for X amount of time/years so it was very stressful and emotionally taxing leaving these jobs. In every role after a few months I often got bored, restless, felt very trapped and was ready for something fresh
  • lived in different cities – only 4 thus far but 100% ready for more!
  • left a serious relationship to travel and do my own thing
  • dated multiple boys/ guys/men and not ‘settled down’ to one in particular
  • didn’t get my drivers licence and car until I was 24 – and had since sold the car and still don’t have my full licence
  • never been interested in saving money for a potential future house

I left London 6 days ago, after living there for 20 months. It was sad to say goodbye to the people I loved – but as soon as I had decided to leave in mid-December I instantly felt better. At the moment I feel happiest in the space in between and this year I’m going to do many of the things I’ve wanted to do but haven’t for various reasons that I believed had held me back: fear, insecurity, money, pressure, career, health, relationships.

This year is:

  • one way tickets! 
    new places – currently in Perth, and then: Melbourne, Bali, New Zealand, South East Asia, India
    creativity – all that fun stuff I used to love doing: painting, drawing, photography, writing
    learning! reading, studying, investigating, questions, practicing – all the stuff I’m truly interested in: expanding consciousness, spiritually, the universe, mediation, ayurveda, manifesting, tantra, yoga
    new career possibilities – I know I want to be location independent and work for myself so am going to be investigating entrepreneurship
    relationships – stronger connections with current loved ones, healthy boundaries in friendships, new relationships, learning about and releasing my fears and destructive patterns in romantic relationships
    health – giving up (for now) alcohol and drugs for 6 months. Eating mostly plant-based healthy nourishing food
    yoga – fullstop.
    manifesting! getting clear on my desires and manifesting them into my life

That’s what I decide being an adult is for me this year – getting clear on what I want in life and doing it. And if that means being (whenever possible) void of my self-imposed (i.e. 9-5, buying a house, living in one city etc.) pressures and responsibilities, then I am totally fine with that!

Rhea

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