Fear and loathing (not in Las Vegas)


I always thought the definition of fear was to be afraid or scared or something, so I didn’t think there was much fear in my life.

That was until this month when undertaking two personal development courses, and I realised my life was ruled by fear.

Gabrielle Bernstein calls the ego ‘our fear mind’, and when I started to really pay attention to my thoughts I realised just how fearful they were. The first day of her book and course ‘May Cause Miracles‘, I was instructed to witness and record my fearful thoughts. I realised that all day I was playing fearful thoughts over in my mind, which was quite shocking really as I didn’t think of myself to be holding onto any fear.

I noticed many fearful thoughts about being concerned of what people thought of me, and many fearful thoughts riddled with self-doubt. I uncovered a few in particular which were:

  • Fear of what people think of me
  • Fear of rejection in all relationships
  • Fear that I’ll never be able to get what I really want

My thoughts throughout the day regularly came back to one of those fearful thoughts.

Throughout the week as part of the course I was to continue to choose to witnesses the fear – that’s held me back from living the life that I truly want to live – and choose to see love instead of this. ‘Seeing love instead’ may seem like a frivolous concept, but it was actually quite powerful as it made me realise I choose how I get to perceive these fears and experiences that I’ve chosen to bring into my life so far.

Fear is an illusion, and an ego-based way of thinking that I had picked up throughout my life, and it has been holding me back from so much.

Throughout this week I was encouraged to see new perceptions, to see gratitude in the difficult parts of my life (i.e. identifying them as huge growth opportunities), and to forgive my fears – and myself.

The process of becoming honestly present with my thoughts was, while tough at times, very empowering – as I realised I have complete control and power over how I perceive everything in my life, including ‘difficulties’ and current perceptions. It started to make me question everything I had been believing about myself and the world around me. Is this the truth, or this a fearful perception I have picked up by following the voice of my ego?

This process also felt unnerving, almost as if nothing was real. I felt in between what I once thought I knew – to a place where I started to question everything. I still feel in this place and I feel very grateful to be here – as by becoming aware of my ego it’s like my whole life has changed. I feel undeniably empowered as now that I can see my fears (that I didn’t even really know that I had!), I can start to create and choose a new perception, and a new life. And in this way of thinking and being, possibilities are limitless. I believe this is a higher quality way of expereincing life.

If you’d like to do the same, to start to become aware, and I really encourage everyone to do so, start with the below practical tips:

Day one

  • For one day pay attention to the thoughts you think. In the morning set yourself an intention that you are going to become conscious of your thoughts for that day
  • Set an alarm on your phone for every hour and when it goes off record in your notes on your phone (or wherever) the thoughts you’ve been having that last hour
  • At the end of the day review your thoughts. Did they surprise you? Can you dig deeper into any fears hiding behind them?

Day two

  • The next day, also set an intention in the morning to be aware of your thoughts throughout the day, but to this time – choose a new perception instead
  • Set an alarm on your phone for every hour and when it goes off record the thoughts you’ve been having that last hour and also another possible perspective/s
  • At the end of the day review your thoughts. How did choosing a new perception feel? Can you dig deeper and see if there are any other new perceptions you could also start to consider for other areas in your life?





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